Fun

Our 9 Favourite WWII Jokes Of All Time

The Second World War, to this day, remains the deadliest and most widespread conflict in human history.

So surely not a good subject for comedy?

As ever, though, forces humour doesn't always play by the rules - and when it comes to deciding our favourite WWII jokes of all time, there was a veritable goldmine of material to draw from.

And as with the military jokes we dug out for National Tell A Joke Day, there was no shortage of gallows humor or poking fun at the top brass...

1. Let's kick things off with a German one, from towards the end of the war

When a silver aeroplane flies over, it's American. When there's a green 'plane, it's British. When there are no aircraft, that's the Luftwaffe.

2. A Frenchman, a beautiful young lady, an old woman and a German soldier

A passenger train is fully loaded, and a German soldier, on leave, shares a compartment with a decrepit lady, a beautiful young French woman, and a young French man. The train enters a tunnel, and no one can see anything.

A kiss is heard, then a hollow slap. When the train comes out of the tunnel, the German has a horrible black eye.

'So unlucky' thinks the German soldier. 'The French man gets the kiss and I get the blame!' 'Well done, my girl!' thinks the old lady. 'You stood up to that brute!'

The beautiful woman is puzzled. 'Why would that German kiss that old lady?'

The Frenchman, meanwhile, thinks 'How clever I am! I kiss the back of my hand, hit the German and no one suspects me!'

3. An English joke from North Africa

When a clock goes forward it goes 'tic-tac' - but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic.

4. How to make Germans smile?

"Hitler and Goring are standing atop the Berlin radio tower. Hitler says he wants to do something to put a smile on Berliners' faces. So Goring says: 'Why don't you jump?'"

Don't laugh too hard though - a German factory worker was reportedly executed for telling this one.

5. A private matter

General to private: "Have you come here to die?" Private to General: "No sir, I came here yester-die!"

6. Background check needed

On the Wehrmacht sniping range, the lieutenant says to a fellow soldier: "That guy over there is pretty good".

"Yes indeed, but I have a feeling that we should better check his personal background".

"Why?" "After every shot he carefully removes his fingerprints from the rifle".

7. An unfortunate name

A man walks into the records office and asks to change his name.

The clerk is not keen on helping but asks the man's name and the man replies "My name is Adolf Stinkfoot."

The clerk is sympathetic and decides to allow the man to change his unfortunate name. "What do you want to change it to?" asks the clerk, the man replies "Maurice Stinkfoot."

8. Meet the Fokkers

A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his days in the air force. "In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough.

The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, " he continues, "one day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared. (At this point, several of the children giggle.) I looked up, and right above me was one of them.

I aimed at him and shot him down. They were swarming. I immediately realized that there was another fokker behind me."

At this instant the girls in the auditorium start to giggle and boys start to laugh. The teacher stands up and says, "I think I should point out that 'Fokker' was the name of the German-Dutch aircraft company".

"That's true," says the pilot, "but these fokkers were flying Messerschmidts."

9. Standing side-by-side

German Trench 1942 — Picture: Bundesarchiv

Hitler visits the front and talks to a soldier. Hitler asks: "Friend, when you are in the front line under artillery fire, what do you wish for?" The soldier replies: "That you, my Fuhrer, stand next to me!"

Know any more military jokes you'd like to share? Just comment and let us know...